My Mom Looks Up To Me!!!!!

I was talking with my mom today on the phone.  It started it out in the usual frustrating manner.  She'll talk your ear off about random stuff that you've heard already.  She'll then tell you the negative aspects of the goals that you are aiming for.  She claims, "I am not a pessimist, I am a realist."

So, as our conversation continued, I became more frustrated with her.  I started to express my frustration when she said something that floored me.

She told me that she doesn't mean to sound or come off as critical or harsh.  She said she feels she was over-protective with my siblings and I.  The reason?  Fear and rejection.  She said she had been involved in "Spectacular failures" in life and she didn't want us to feel the pain of that.

She told me how proud she was of me, that she looks up to me because I am so brave.  She said she wishes she was braver, that she would go and do the things I do, that if I want to do it I will go and try it.  If I fail, I say oh well and keep going. She said if she was presented with the opportunity to do a marathon, she wouldn't have done it, not believing her to be able to do the marathon.

My mom looks up to ME!  I cried.  Never in my life would I have thought she would.  I've always known she was proud of the things I've done, but it just blew me away.

The funny thing is?  I learned to be brave from her.  I learned not to take crap, to love me for me and not let anyone tell me otherwise.

What a wonderful surprise!

Chelle }}i{{

How Did I Get Spam On My BLOG?!?!!?

Ok, so I saw I got a comment on my blog, thought Yea!  Someone left me LOVES!!!

Yeah, it was some kid spamming on my blog!!!  WTH?!  REALLY?!  Is nothing sacred any more?!

*sigh*

People go so low for buck.

Chelle }}i{{

Had My 2nd Nerve Burn Today...

AAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!

It sucks, but I know I'll feel better in a few days.  So, right now, hurting, but should be better soon!

*SIGH*

Chelle }}i{{

Work Frustrations

So, had a bad night at work.  It was great until the last little bit.  And I'm more mad at myself than anything.

I felt bad, there was a girl that kept asking me what's wrong...I finally got mad at her and said, "look, I know you're trying to help, but I just DON'T want to talk right now."  I know she was trying to help, but I was in that "don't give  a crap about anyone right now, leave me alone." mood.

Anyhoo, here's hoping tomorrow's better.

Room Purging

Well, the sun is out FINALLY!!!!!!!!  Feeling like being in a cleaning mood.  It's time for the annual purging of Xander's room after his birthday!!  So many new toys, time to box them up and put them in the garage!!

<3

Insomniac

I'm finally horribly exhausted today.  I haven't slept well in a week.  But, it's my weekend, I have three days off.  I'm very happy that I'm so tired!!!

I've been in a musical mood the last couple days too!  I've been playing my guitar and listing to some new music.  It's been a hoot!

I did learn a new chord today!  F#!  So, I'm hoping to keep doing that part of my goal!  I also am going to be picking up my piano again.  That will really help with the band.

I'm also thinking about going to culinary school.  I think it'll be fun and really worth my time!!!  :)

Day 460...wow!

Ok, so I just updaed all my goals...holy hannah!!!!  I've come so far!!!!

I think my favorite goal I just passed off was completing my bike race/marathon!  I was able to do 43 miles in it!  While I didn't finish the race...I participated and it was a NEAT experience!!

Conference is on...better head on over and listen and get ready for work!  *sigh!*

Biking Zen-Momentum

This was written in June as well!  :)

I was riding my bike around a local lake yesterday. I had an epiphany.


Ever since I can remember I love going downhill on my bike, followed by the quick change to uphill. Why? I shift my bike to the hardest gear and work that downhill, and pedal, pedal, pedal! I pick up a lot of speed and enjoy it, using the momentum I've gained on the downhill it makes the hill I'm climbing so much easier to reach the top.

I watched some people take the downhill lightly, sometimes not even pedaling, just coating. They're enjoying the "free ride" so to speak. But, as the downhill gets replaced quickly with the uphill climb, they labor very hard to reach the top. They are enjoying the fun part but have to work twice as hard on the difficult part.

I thought of life's many peaks and valleys. Many of us (including me) take it easy on the way down, coasting through the valley, not worried about the looming mountain in the distance.

If we work harder in those times of great ease, when we hit those peaks, using our momentum, it makes that mountain much easier to climb.

If we keep a steady pace throughout both valleys and peaks, it will feel more like a constant flat road. I'm not saying all the time, day in day out, we still really need to take the time to smell the roses and look at the view.

Just something I wanted to share.

Chelle }}i{{

Sara Bareilles, The Temple, and Divine Inspiration.

So, what does Sara Bareilles, (a talented pop singer/songwriter) and the Temple have in common?  Me.  I know, it sounds weird...but it was weird to begin with.  For starters, only a few of you know what this is all about...but in due time everyone will.  :)

Being a musician, I seem to channel many thoughts, feelings, etc. through music.  Well, I just purchased Sara's second album, Kaleidoscope Heart, which is PHENOMENAL! And have been "wearing it out", much to the chagrin of my dear, patient husband.  I will take a new cd and play it over and over until I know all the lyrics, and get sick of it and have to stop listening to it for a while.

There was a song that I have just falling in love with, it's called Uncharted.  I knew it applied to my life in many ways, but little did I know how much it would.  I was on my way home from work last night, when a song of Sara's came on that I hadn't really started listening to yet, "The Light", I had heard it a couple of times.  So, I listened to the lyrics...I about started to cry.

You see, there has been this problem plaguing me for some two years now.  A decision that will effect me and my family greatly.  I have always known the answer, and what I needed to do.  Pride, fear and stubbornness has kept me from listening for a long time.  So much that the last time I got my answer in the temple, I cried, I cried hard because I was so upset with this answer.  Well, things have been softening in me for sometime. 

Last night, after listening to "The Light", I felt calm and okay with this long awaited choice.  But, I felt I needed more, I felt a never before urgency in this decision.  I went to the Temple.  While it was closed because it was 11 at night, I walked around the outside of the gate and sat at the exact pillar where my boyfriend proposed to me.  That pillar has been a wonderful reminder of what transpired there over 7 years ago.

I prayed and I listened to the silence and a cd of hymns I sung in choir in college.  The chilled when ate at me, but I felt warm.  A big decision that I had been in torcher with for two years had finally come to an end.  I knew, with all my soul, with every fiber of my being, that EVERYTHING would be okay, no matter what.  There were alot of fears that have held me back...they were all put to rest.

I left the temple, completely at peace.  It was amazing!  I turned back on Sara and "Uncharted" came on.  I cried.  The lyrics made even MORE sense now.  I'll share them now:

Uncharted:
"No tears, my tears won't make any room for 'em. Oh, and it don't hurt like anything I've ever felt before.  This is no broken heart, no familiar scars, this territory goes uncharted.  Just me, in a room sunk down in a house in a town and I don't breathe though I never meant to let it get away from me. Now I have too much to hold, everybody has to get their hands on gold, and I want uncharted.  Stuck under the ceiling I made I can't help the feeling, I'm going down.  Follow if you want.  I won't just hang around like you'll show me where to go.  I'm already out of fool-proof ideas, so don't ask me how to get started.  It's all uncharted.  Each day, I'm counting up the minutes 'til I get away.  "cause I can't stay in the middle of it all, it's nobody's fault.  But I'm so low, never knew how much I didn't know, oh everything is uncharted.  I know I'm getting nowhere when I only sit and stare like, I'm going down.  Follow if you want I won't just hang around like you'll show me where to go.  I'm already out of fool-proof ideas so don't ask me how to get started, it's all uncharted.  Jump start my kaleidoscope heart.  I love to watch the colors fade.  They may not make sense, but they sure as hell made me.  I won't go as a passenger no, waiting for the road to be laid.  Though I may be going own I'll take in flame over burning out.  Compare where you are to where you want to be and you'll nowhere.  I'm going down..."

This is not a broken heart, not familiar. I've never been here before.  So, I'm going down.  Follow if you want.  I'm out of fool-proof ideas, this is uncharted...and I've never felt better about it! 

Much love to my girls that already know what this is about.  I wouldn't have been open to this.  Thank you with all my heart!  <3

Chelle }}i{{

Inspiration

So, I've been loosing a lot of weight and really shaping up this last little bit here.  I feel great and am doing much more with myself these days.

The bummer?  My back is still killing me.  Which, really sucks, I was told and holding on with sheer faith that my back would get better...I don't know, we'll keep holding on!

But the cool thing?  The REALLY cool thing?!  Since I've been posting stuff about my biking, my food, and just life, people are coming out of the wood work saying how they are inspiried by me!  By little old ME!!!  I have been truly amazed at the out-pouring of it all!!

I feel very much like Forest Gump where he just felt like running...soon he has this HUGE following and he didn't have a plan or anything, he just ran...

I've been posting everything for me as a reminder to help myself and make the dream and goal more real...it's now realier than ever!!!!!!

Chelle }}i{{

***YEAH!!****

Such a happy day!  I checked on our voting status for this band compition....we're 9th!!!  Within two hours, we jumped from 11th to 9th!

**DANCES!**  SUCH A GOOD DAY!!!!!!!!!

A Beautiful Morning!

So, this was the second night on graveyard.  I had a loooong night!  But, I was awake!  It was nice to get out of work early...I was going to go straight to bed, but I decided to swing by yoga.  I haven't been in about 2 months.  I really miss it.

I had a very neat experience.  I had a friend call it a "grounding" experience, where your soul fully connects with your body.  I don't know how to explain it.

I was in a deeper than usual meditation...I noticed it in three different poses.  The first pose, the bottom of my feet were cool, not cold.  As if I just stepped barefoot into a nice patch of soft, spongey, moist ground.  The next pose, my fingers were gently being pulled back and forth, like a gentle breeze on branches...the last pose was feeling like my arms were spread wide, and unmoving...like big branches.  It hit me then...I was a tree.  It was such a neat experience...I cannot describe it.  It was beautiful, strange, wonderful, and familiar.

I also found a blooming tree that had blossoms in the shape of a heart!!!  Here's a pic!  It was lovely!  I know that the earth has beautiful and pleasant surprises...so, is this organized chaos?  A beautiful accident?  Or a gnome shaping our spring time to make it more joyous for those that can see it for it's really beauty.

May everyone have a joyous spring!!!

Chelle }}i{{

Home Schooling, The Internal Struggle

So, I have a few online friends that home school, I've learned a lot from them, and have used them in daily things for Xander.  Not a regular thing, but something will trigger a blog post I've read, and I'll try to wedge the message in some how.

I was visiting with a woman in my church.  She just pulled her kids out of the school Xander will be attending next year.  The things she told me were rather appalling.  She said she learned things about her teacher that her daughter picked up that one should not know unless good friends, let alone through a child.  Her kid's teacher informed them VERY late in the year (or not at all) about how bad their children were doing...when there were no notes, no progress reports, etc.  How can you help your child when things like that happen?  So, she finally pulled her kids out.

They are doing VERY well!  She has a Christian-based educational program.

This is my questions on this, I would LOVE a Christian-based schooling, but also a natural approach too.  Everytime I'm teaching him about something, it always seems to be when we're outdoors, and it's related to nature.  I guess for me, when I'm in nature, it's where everything makes sense.  It's where I'm my calmest and most reflective.  The world and my mind seem to open up.

It's where I can't get cell reception, nor TV, where the only thing I have is, my imagination, my thoughts, and myself (well most of the time now, I have Xander in tow.)  But he's is drawn into that world too.  He's so full of life and energy, but I've noticed, he's mellower, he listens to me so much better!  Could it be in my genes, passed down to my son?

I was talking to Aaron tonight about possibly home-schooling Xander.  He sighed and said, "I know, it's all up to me, if I can get a good paying job so you can stay home."

He's right.  If I could be a stay at home mom, I would be so content!  I really hate to put that burden on him, but he's been trying for years.  He wants me home too (only because he knows I want it.  He is not demanding it.)  I see all these mom's all around me that are stay-at-homes and they complain that they don't get out, that they wish they could trade places....I'm sorry, but I wouldn't.  To not have to work for people who don't appreciate you (the guests, my bosses are great!), to be able to cook EVERY meal at home (it's relaxing to me!  I put on music and Xander helps!  It's so fun!).

I admit, sometimes it can be difficult, but to see my son with that sparkle in his eye, the hug and our kiss that he only does with just me (we peck and rubbed our noses!!), It's worth every bit of it.  To take every moment I have and spend it with him, reading a book, discovering a pirate treasure, making cup cakes...oh the things we would do!!!!!

Well, hopefully I'll have some more time to start the search once I graduate in a month!  Yea!!!

Chelle }}i{{

Minature Disasters :-)

So, Xander and I took a quick trip down to California.  We went to see and old friend, and a new, but "old" friend.

We stayed in Hayward at her house, I wanted to see them, Sangeeta's mom is not doing to good, she has cancer and has been doing pretty well, but has recently taken a turn for the worst.  So, we went down to say hi, we haven't seen them in a couple of years, but we still talk on the phone.  It was too quick, but nice to go and visit.  I'm hoping to go down there again soon!!  The boys had sooo much fun together!!!  :-)

We then went up to meet up with Chels and her daughter Amelie in Bodega Bay...it was starting off to be a very nice day the sun was out, the wind was low and it was just amazing!!  We went to an art gallery for a showing of paintings that were all about Buddhism...it was very neat to see!!

Then Chels accidently put one tire of her car in a ditch!  Oh no!!  I started laughing.

I felt so bad for laughing!  But, I'm one of those that I either laugh or cry...This is why I sometimes laugh at inapproriate times...But the main reason I laughed, is because I am car trouble proned...it should have been me!  I'm always loosing my keys, or having a flat...

We ended up at a ranger's station because there was NO cell service!  I know, California with no cell service!  I would expect it in Death Valley, but not there!!  The kids had fun, they found a couple of muddied water holes and threw rocks in them.

So then, after Chels got a hold of a tow truck, we sat across the road chatting while the children played near a cliff drop off...we snacked and played.

The tow truck came, and the car ended up with minimal damage!  Yea!!!  We even saw some whales even!!  Well, that or three rocks...we swore they were moving!!!

We headed to a lovely beach next.  It was so fun!  Oh, how I miss it!!  The roar and silence all in one!  It was beautiful!!  The kids had so much fun!  The water was cold and refreshing...bordering on too cold!  I LOVE the ocean!  You feel so small there.  In our lives we sometimes are only concerned with things that are immediatly surrounding ourselves.  To take sometime, in good company, and reflect that we're not the only ones' here...that life is not all about us...it's all about EVERYONE!  We are all connected somehow some way.

The kids buried our feet, then buried our feet.  They picked up tons of shells and had a fun time doing it!!!

As soon as I got in the car, my ipod came on, and the song "Minature Disasters" by K.T. Tunstall came on.  I just laughed!  It was such an ironic moment!!!

Then, we went to a deli and had rubber sandwhiches while vulters circled over head....THEY were HUGE!!

I headed back home through Napa/Sonoma and was in awe of all the beauty there!!!  Then swung by my aunts house in Fairfield for a couple hours.  It was neat to see them for a minute!  My Mom and Grandparents were even there!  :-)

All in all, it was a quick, but fun trip!!!  I relaxed, felt peace, visited with good friends, and had a wonderful time!  Can't wait to go back!!!!

Sometimes, life choses what happens to us.  We can either sit back and enjoy the moment it brings or stress from it.  I do stress often, but I'm trying to make these "Disasters" minature...because, it usually ends up well in the end.  :-)

Feeling Very Humble Tonight

So, I'm at my friends' house in Hayward, I'm visiting just for tonight and then heading out tomorrow.  Her mom is a sweet, sweet soul, and she has been battling cancer for years.  Well, it's now in her brain, liver and lungs.

Seeing her today, she looked so gaunt, but her spirit was shinning.  I told her she has raised wonderful children, and she just started to cry, saying that they are the only things she has left.  I just started to cry...the twinkle had left her eye.

We had a wonderful day, we ate at a great meal at a Persian place.  Then had ice cream, and then we got back, and Xander and I went to bed to nap.

We woke up and had a good evening.  Her mom imerged from her room to eat.  Her throat has been hurting so bad since the radiation started.

I was on the phone, and at one point, she was screaming at my friend saying she can't eat anymore and to give her a couple days.  I just wanted to cry.  She was so sad, and I can understand...I think she's done, she's tired of fighting, but she's hanging on for her kids and grandkid.

I know her kids are just hanging on, because she was such a wonderful, joyous person...now a gaunt hollow shell.  I just hope that she can go in peace and that her kids will let her go in peace.

It makes me so greatful to believe in another life, to know that there IS something out there.  To know my father is there waiting for me.  It'll be a year this coming August.  I can't believe it.

We go through life hoping and fending off the inevitable...death.  I just hope that when my time comes, I'll have no regrets, that I'll be happy knowing that I lived MY life to it's fullest.

Chelle }}i{{

A Fun, Educational Day!!!

What a fun day today!!! I had to get the car looked at, as I’m going to California next week. Virginia Lake, a lovely park that has an irrigation lake in the middle of bustling Reno. Virginia lake is beautiful, even with it’s own island in the middle, I call the island “bird island“. I don’t know what it’s official name is, I just know that it is big and full of all sorts of birds.


So, this park is only a little ways from our mechanic. We walked over. We listened to music on the way over, dancing to Alvin and the Chipmunks 2 soundtrack and then to KT Tunstall, a “new to me” artist. We danced the entire 7 blocks it took to get there, twisting, and twirling, not caring at all about what the cars whizzing past us thought. We looked absolutely ridiculous, and we had such fun doing it!!!

We sat on the edge of the water watching ducks do what they do best, dive and swim. He was so fascinated as they would disappear into a mess of bubbles and then pop back up some thirty seconds later.

We had a wonderful lesson. We talked about the different birds. He was able to tell the difference between ducks, geese and seagulls! We talked about their diets. We learned the three main meal groups. Omnivore, Carnivore and Herbivore.

He learned ways to tell the difference, by giving him clues within the description of the animals diets. For example, a duck, eats veggies, fruits and herbs. They are known as herbivores. A person (he pointed out a bear too!), eats ALL kind of food. They eat fruits, veggies, meat and OMelets, they are an OMnivore. Tigers, T-Rexes, and wolves eat meat, they are a (make a growling sound) *Arg*nivore (Carnivore).

So, it was fun and so educational! It was so fun associating words to help him along, I thought I’d share this fun, wonderful day!!!!
Chelle }}i{{

Sick

I'm sick.  I've been sick for a week.  Xander's sick, but doing better.  My nose is so clogged, I'm having a really hard time sleeping.

Oh well, it's Friday!  :-)  Yeah!!  One day left until some full-time sleep coming!

Chelle  }}i{{

Everything I Know, I Learned From The Beatles

Ok, so I was playing Beatles Rock Band last night (a friend let me barrow it!), and I had an epiphany.  I LOVE the Beatles, always have.  I was thinking that I've learned several lessons in life that are reflected in their songs.  Enjoy!


Everything I Know, I Learned From The Beatles



One, and one, and one is three

I can get by with a little help from my friends

I HAS been a hard days night

All you need is love

I would LOVE to see an octopus’s garden

We should ALWAYS sing Happy Birthday

I'll take my broken wings and learn to fly again

We should come together, right now

Life's beautiful and so am I

Yes, I want to know a secret, we all do

Everyone is hiding, except the monkey

If we wanted to, we could have 8 days in a week

Imagine

You can drive my car

Never ask a woman name Eleanor where she keeps her head, it’s not polite

It’s never to late to get back to where you once belong

I’m not a walrus, I’m THE walrus…coocoo cachoo

It’s fun to hold a hand

I’m a lover, not a dancer

We all need help sometimes

There will be answer

Never anger a man named Maxwell, he has a hammer.

My name is Michelle, and I am a belle

I love strawberries

Sometimes, the most abstract things make perfect sense

Yes, I'm going to be a star, even if it's just in my own world

Life goes on

Take a sad song, and make it better

Let it be

Here comes the sun, and it’s better than alright, it’s beautiful

We all should know better

You know I love you

Marshmallow pies are tasty

There will always be a scapegoat, Yoko was the Beatles

Sitar is both fun to say and to hear played

Think for yourself

There is NEVER too much monkey business

We can work it out

I will still need you at 64

I don’t live in a submarine, but it would be fun!

An Instruction Manual For Kids

**I had to write a discussion paper on "Behavioral Self-Reinforcement" for class. I chose parenting. This is what I came up with. I thought it worth sharing, as anyone who is a parent has been through this! enjoy! Chelle }}i{{**




An Instruction Manual for Kids


Wouldn’t it be wonderful if children did come with an instruction manual? In a way they do, us. We take bits and pieces of our life as a child, add a pinch of being an example, and there you have it! Sounds like an easy recipe, right?

Being a mother, I have moments of failure, I think, “why doesn’t he listen to me? I must not be a good parent!” After discussing this inadequacy fear with other parents, this thought seems to be a common one. They bounce around, run off, and talk back to you, only for one reason, they are testing you, and your limits.

To compound upon our feelings of being a “bad parent”, we have other people telling us how to raise our child. Parents, grandparents, siblings, even perfect strangers will intercede. While their mission is usually good, sometimes the advice is not. We need to take the advice with a grain of salt and research on our own what is best for our child, for every child is different and responds differently.

“Both our nature, what is born in us, and our nurture, how we are conditioned, define who we are and what we believe. What we allow into our consciousness, therefore, weighs heavily on what we will become.” -C. Woolf.

It is said that we (as parents) need to apply appropriate discipline, stating that older children will need different punishments than younger ones. You have to remember your in charge. There is such a thing as loving, but firm parenting. Giving your child appropriate boundaries for their age is essential. Giving them a little freedom, is essential too. We must be willing to take some risk, this helps them ingrain in their mind consequences vs. choices.

There is a fear emerging of crushing a child’s spirit, thus turning the tables to where the child is in control, not the parent. How many times in a store do with see a child throwing a fit because they can’t get what they want (if you’re a parent, we’ve all been there, sort of a right of passage). Pay attention next time, see what the parent does, give in or not? Do they threaten or explain? Threatening a child with unreasonable threats is not the way to go, if you cannot follow through with the threat, it is not a “good” threat. What is a good threat? Something that will teach your child a lesson without causing serious trauma. For example, taking away toys or favorite things for a certain amount of time or time-outs.

The last thing, but most important thing I want to bring up is education. Parents need to stay active in a child’s education, we are usually the main “conditioner”. While schools are a great place of learning, children will apply and retain most of this knowledge within the home. Children are sponges, they absorb everything we say and do, (sometimes to my chagrin). One of my favorite things to do is take daily life, and turn it into a lesson. Two of my favorite impromptu lessons was a walk, where we discovered our shadows, and my son playing with several different sized balls turned into the solar system.

When using these points in life, we will still have feelings of inadequacy and people telling us we’re “doing it wrong.” But, when your child is independent, knowledgeable, and respectful, all those feelings and voices seem to melt away.



References:

http://www.allaboutparenting.org/parenting-skills.htm

http://om-school.blogspot.com/

General Conference

I love General Conference!  Every 6 months, we get to listen to the prophet in out pj's.  :-)

My favorite so far was Pres. Monson at the very begining, and the only talk I've been able to hear.  I finally had to give up and watch it later.  I keep telling Xander he needs to be quite, because it's like church.  But, he's sick, and he's getting ancy, and keeps interupting me.  So, instead of getting grumpy and putting him in time out over it, I'm just going to watch it later.  Thank you DVR!!!  :-)

Now, we're going to turn on some music and dye easter eggs!  :-)

Yea!!!!

Chelle }}i{{

Trying to Re-Organize My Life

Alright, so after an almost year hiatus, I'm going to try getting back into the swing of things.  I would like to re-start my 101 things in 1001 days.  I looked back and was both surprised and disappointed.  While I crossed off some majors goals, I let the little, important ones slipped through the cracks.

This past year, I have had a lot of time to reflect.  I've started (and hopefully will finish school) I've started a band and we have recorded a song!  Tilt-O-Whirl.  Pretty cool.

My dad died, I've had surgery and a couple of major procedures on my back.

I'm still working in a job I feel is keeping me from my son.  He seems to grow over night.  Everyday I discover new things he's just discovered.  It's wonderful!  I love how he reminds me of being a kid.  I love reconnecting with life this way.  :-)

Anyhoo, it's now time to get ready and head to work.

O Canada! What a GREAT Opening Ceremony!!

Just finished watching the Opening Ceremony of the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver, B.C., Canada.

Besides Sarah McLachlan performing (Terri Clark should have too!!!  >:-O), I think the "fake" air skiers on the mountains was my favorite part, it was pretty cool!!

I hope you had fun Jan!!  :-)

Oh, and did anyone notice the lipsyncing?  I thought it was funny, you could tell when it was and when it wasn't.  At the very begining and the very end of "Ordinary Miracle" by Sarah, she sang, the rest was her pretending...and it was bad.  She was too happy, when she plays, it's very intense...didn't buy it!  It's usually harder to tell when they are, not this time!

Chelle }}i{{

Idaho Pics

Well, they seem to be on the other computer...so, I'll have to do it later.  Lol

Mom and Dad's Anniversary, My Idaho Trip

So, I'm a little behind, but oh well! lol

On Feb. 2nd (better known as Groundhog's Day), was my parents, well would have been their 37th wedding anniversary.

I haven't been able to keep in good contact with her do to cell phone limitations in the wilderness of Idaho.

Well, I've been really worried about her. She seems to put on a good "voice mask"...but I know it's hard.

Being suddenly without someone that's been apart of your life for more than 35 years. It really was rough...the good times were great, the hard times even harder. This is what makes it so rough...sometimes it's easy not to hurt, when you think of the little daily idiosencrencies that annoyed you beyond belief...yet those are the things you'll miss the most.

So, on Monday the 1st, heading into work, I felt the sudden prompting that I HAD to be in Idaho to see mom and I had to leave ASAP. So, I took a vacation day the next day and headed off that night after work! I crashed at my friend Melisha's house a little over half way from Reno and Grangeville, ID to sleep for a couple of hours before heading out again.

Long story short, I surprised my mom with a "Hey, was in the neighborhood (10 hour drive), thought since you don't have a date tonight, that I'd take you out tonight."

We cried hugged, Xander was SOOO excited to see his Grandma "From Vegas" (still trying to get used to saying Gma Dobbs or "In Idaho", lol). And we went out to Chinese Food...aparently it came highly recomended (I think by people who lost their taste buds in a tragic fire)...in other words, it was edible, and the company was WAY better than the food! lol

Rule of thumb? Never eat chinese food in a USA town where the Cows out number the people in a 5-1 ratio, even if the cook "came from China"....don't believe it!!! lol

Then, we went to my Uncle's Ranch the Next day and saw my gpa and gma. My gma is really bad with Alzheimer's...apparently, we caught her on a good day. She seemed relativly lucid. She knew me and Xander, she just went into repeat mode about every 15 minutes. I'm scared, I don't think she's going to be here much longer. :-(

But back to fun!

We saw Elk, Deer, Cows and all sorts of birds! I think we even saw a Wolf. There was this HUGE black "dog" in the middle of a hay field...the only black dog I know of on the ranch was standing right by us...hmmmm

Oh! And we went down to the Salmon River and we saw bear prints, deer, elk, raccon (I think) and possible wolf.

Anyhoo, we had fun, and I'm posting pics next!!!!

Why Does Everyone Think I'm Gay?!?!?!?!

Okay, this is definetly a rant blog today!!

I get hit on by women...alot (which I find flatering to a point). Coworkers have said I am. I even had a coworker tell me, "If you weren't married, I'd so be your girlfriend."

I walked in to work after I changed (On Tuesday), and I had on jeans and a leather coat. My hair is short...it's only been like that for a couple years...my boss looks at me and says, "Wow, you really do look like a lesbian." commenting of my outfit.

I'm sorry I like to wear my leather jacket. I'm sorry I have short hair. I'm sorry I like to wear leather braclets. I'm sorry I listen to all sorts of music, including listing some know lesbian artists amoung my favorites.

I don't understand. I'm happily married, I have a son. I am not Gay!!!!

...not that I have a problem with it. :-)

Thanks for letting me rant today!!

Reading a Good Book, PTSD (Yea!)

So, I'm seeing a counselor about my over-reaction to checking in a family that was in a bad car wreck.

She diagnosed me with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Which, she was right on. Every time I approach my accident scene, I tense up. I get even worse if there is heavy traffic.

So, she is having me read this book called, "Feel The Fear...and Do It Anyway" by Susan Jeffers, Ph.D.

It's great!! I think it'll help me with my stage freight as well! I know I have a good singing voice, and I know my lyrics are great, I just need to work on my nerves!

One great quote in there stated, "If you knew you could handle anything that came your way, what would you possibly have to fear? The answer is: NOTHING!"

Have a great weekend! Mine's just about over!!

Chelle }}i{{

I Have The World's Best Hubby!!

I forgot to mention in my last blog how much I love my hubby. He is so amazing and so wonderful!!!

I'm not trying to brag or anything, but or love is strong and great!!!

I have conversations with guys at work, and they always speak of how jealous they get with the women in their relationships. And it's sad to think about. Without trust, there is NO relationship. (Being I have a very healthy, "long" marriage and seem to be surviving, I get asked relationship questions). And by "long" I mean 6 years.

A wound cannot heal when infection plagues it.

Now, I admit that when we first got married, I had my brief moments of jealousy, and I know Aaron would too. But we got over it, and now consider it very flattering when someone "hits on us". I have guy friends at work who I will hug every day...They are like co-worker brothers. They're always looking out for me.

My point being is this, first of all, I thought Aaron was going to be home, he thought so too. Well, I invited my new guitarist over to start jamming and get some songs down.

Turns out that Aaron had scouts and had to leave the house almost right around the time my guitarist showed up. He's 26, and a "cute little boy" is the best way to describe him, because he just looks so young. lol

Anyhoo, we practiced for about an hour and a half. He is a VERY talented guitarist! I feel sooo lucky to have found him on Craig's list! We met last week, and this was our first "official unofficial practice" (our drummer couldn't make it).

Matt left right before Aaron got home. I greeted Aaron with an excited hug and kiss, saying "Thanks for trusting me." There aren't many hubby's who would let me do this [music/band] but there are even less that are okay with having him in our home practicing while Aaron was gone, and only a 4 year old as a witness.

Don't get me wrong, it's still not the ideal situation, but when all your band mates' schedules are pretty tight, it makes it hard for everyone to get together at once some weeks.

Anyhoo, just wanted to spread the message!!! The key to a long and healthy relationship is trust. It is a two way street with no detours, but it's the best damn street to be on!!! :-D

Fun Day! Nerves Meet Music.

So, my guitarist came over today for our first unofficial practice (drummer wasn't available). But we had fun, got to feel each other out. He's really talented.

I just need to get my confidence up!! I do sing good, but I'm just so out of it!

I hate that! I'm good, I am confident in almost everything I do, but when I get up to sing, I get very discourage at my singing.

I need to stop that!!!

I have the talent!!!!

Bad Week For A Friend

I have a great friend, she's having a really bad week. I've been a shoulder for her to cry on this week.

I feel that I'm lucky to be her friend. I pray for her often. She is a good friend and a gentle soul. She has a good hubby and two great friends.

When it rains it pours.

Like I said before, I want one of those easy buttons. ;-)

Chelle }}i{{

There's Gotta Be A Button...

Like those "Easy Buttons" in those Staples commercial.

Something that will just help and make everything bad that's happened go away. Ya know?

Or a wand.

Don't worry about me, it's not me in troubles...just wishing I knew what to do to help someone.

Chelle }}i{{

Found my Guitarist!!!

So, I met Matt, he audtitioned to be my lead guitarist.

He's a nice kid, talented too. We met up at Java tonight just to hang and try out some stuff. He's not used to an acoustic guitar, but bought one just for this group. He's been in thrash bands before, so he can play licks for sure, but he said he really wants something different. He can play many different generes. So, we played, had some fun, he was able to keep up with the songs I know, and by the 3 or four line was playing right along with me.


He's excited and can't wait to start practicing. It should work out really good!! I'm excited!


And we had these two bums approach us (we were outside playing) the one wanted to play my guitar and kept trying to touch it, even though I said back off. I don't care for other people touching my instruments!! Matt was the same way. Plus, new strings, don't want to get them gunked up. Then he asked for a dollar so he and his friend could get a beer. Said nope, don't drink and won't pay for it.

The "leader" bum then said, "well, that's ok, your still cool." ROFL!!!!