Day 92 & 93 Weird Dream....or Was It?!

Okay, so last, I get home, I'm tired and I go to bed. I don't know if it was a dream or not, but it sure made me feel just...scared

So, I saw this dark shadow/mist...I don't really know what to call it. It hit me, like went inside me. I did a full body jerk, and said "GET OUT!!!" in my head. "It" then was just hovering over me, pressing down on me. I could barely breathe and tried to move....but I couldn't! I was trapped!!! I couldn't speak or move!!! I knew it was bad and kept yelling, "GET OUT!!!" over and over in my head. Finally, it release, hit me one more time, I did another full body jerk and was able to move. I was sweating and just shaking. I almost woke up Aaron, that's how bad it scared me.

So, what do you think? I don't watch scary movies or anything...dream or not? I'm hoping it's a dream as it just scared the hell out of me.

Day 91 I'm tired...

I'm tired, and that's about all that's coming out of me tonight.

Chelle }}i{{

Day 90

Well, got some new meds to try from the dr. She gave me a long acting muscle relaxant and they want to do some new injections on me...maybe they'll work!

I'm just hoping to hear back soon on my breast reduction!!! Hopefully that will go through!!!

I'm waiting to get approval for my vacation in august, I can't do any planning until then for our trip! Darn it!!

Anyhoo, that's it for now! I'm starting to feel a little sleepy!

Chelle }}i{{

Day 90...nothing much

Nothing much today. I was so tired I didn't wake up until late, even though I had a dentist appointment...lol

So, I called re-scheduled, and faxed some stuff for Aaron's school. Xander and I then went to the river. It was a beautiful day!!!!

Then, we went home, hung out for a few and then I went to softball practice....my shoulder's sore...going to regret it in the morning, good thing I have my injections tomorrow!!! Woohoo!!!

I'm excited and nervous, I need to talk to my dr so I can live life!!! My meds aren't working, so we'll see what she says!!!

Chelle }}i{{

Day 80-something....The Pains of Being a Mom

So, I went to pick up some prescriptions today, an allergy med for Xander and 3 for me, one being my muscle relaxants that I'm out of....

Well, the price was a LOT!!! A couple of them, I could wait on, but the muscle relaxant and Xander's couldn't really wait.

Well, mine was still pretty pricey and so was his...and being Costco doesn't except credit cards except American Express....I had to choose.

So, of course, I chose Xander's....poor guy! He just has soooo much stuffiness!!!! And I have so much stiffness!lol

anyhoo, off to bed!

Chelle }}i{{

Day 87 and 88...I think Xander had a seizure!

So, I got home from doing some visiting teach this afternoon, and I was really tired. So we grabbed a snack and headed for bed.

I was dozing while he was still watching a little t.v. I turned it off and he cuddled up and went to sleep. I continued to dose for a little bit, but couldn't go back to sleep....something was bugging me and I wasn't tired.

So, I'm just watching t.v. hoping to fall asleep....I look over at Xander and he was laying peacefully on his side. He then suddenly curled in the fetal position and started to shake. He shook for a good 2-3 seconds (maybe a little longer, it seemed like forever!) I was about to grab the phone when he stopped, woke and sleepily said, "I have to potty." He went potty and then came back and watched a little t.v. with me.

He didn't skip a beat, like nothing happened. He went on to play outside and everything!!!

Aaron thinks I'm over-reacting, but I want to call the Dr. in the morning and see what they say, they'll probably want to see him. Aaron says wait for the next one....if there is one. But the problem being, it was in his sleep...what if this wasn't the first time???!!!

Anyhoo, that was my day! Damn it, and I'm out of easy cheese!!! lol
Love
Chelle }}i{{

Day 85 First Guitar Performance!!!

So, I sung and played my guitar at the church talent show! It was really fun!!!

I did the song Bubbly it worked out really well!!

Alright, off to bed!!

Chelle }}i{{

Day 84 and 85....Overtime and Aftermath!

I've worked over time today, a whole 11 hours!! yuck! But, I need the money, what else to do??

I'm finally feeling better after softball.....I woke up yesterday and could barely move!!! I went home last night and took a bath and headed to bed!

That's it for now, I have softball practice again in the a.m. but I'm going to stretch first!!! lol

Chelle }}i{{

Day 83 Feeling Better!! :-)

So, I had my cry last night. Scared the hell outta Aaron. I think he thought I was checking out for good or something. Nope! Just having my moment. I told him that I have to put on a mask all the time for everyone to see. To have them see that I'm okay, even though I'm hurting all the time....And just every once in a while, I need that time to cry and say, No, everything is NOT okay. And then, I'm fine and better. I feel kinda cleansed. Does that make sense?

But, I had a good day, I went to Yoga. Had to go to the dentist and get a couple feelings....THAT was FUN!!! :-P I now have metal on metal and it's driving me nuts! I can only chew on my left side, so it's reduced me to soft things. I made banana pancakes for dinner.....YUM!!

I had softball practice tonight...that was awesome!!! I love playing softball! We have a few more practices and then it's game time!

I also went to my friends' house, we were practicing for sharing time on Sunday. I'm bringing my guitar! It's going to be soooo fun!!! The kids are performing at church on Saturday as well, and as luck would have it, I have it off!!! Yippiee!!!!! So, we're going to do something with the guitar too! It's going to be neat!

So all in all, great day!!!

Chelle }}i{{

Day 82...Bad Night

As most of you know, I was in a car wreck about three years ago, and still hurt. I try to have a strong face all the time, but some days, I just can't do it anymore...Some days I just want to give up completely. But I know I can't.... Anyhoo, this is my favorite song when I'm in my cry-mope-hurt day.It's by Linkin Park and it's called Given Up. It fits me so well some days.

Waking in a sweat again
Another day's been laid to waste
In my disgrace
Stuck in my head again
Feels like I'll never leave this place
There's no escape
I'm my own worst enemy

I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I'm suffocating!
Tell me what the heck is
Wrong with me?

I don't know what to take
Thought I was focused but I'm scared
I'm not prepared
I hyperventilate
Looking for hope somehow somewhere
And no one cares
I'm my own worst enemy

I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I'm suffocating!
Tell me what the heck is
Wrong with me?

God!
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my
Put me out of my ******* misery!

I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I'm suffocating!
Tell me what the heck is
Wrong with me?

Day 81....Started My School Papers!!!

So, I picked up my UNR transcripts!! I went over to TMCC and filled out my Degree Audit Report (DARS) and am just waiting for my BYU-Idaho transcripts....turns out, with UNR, I had 28 credits!! So I have a total of 91 credits going in to TMCC. Hopefully I'll only need a few classes to graduate!!! Woohoo!

I ran into my friend at TMCC, she was visiting her hubby there on his break from work. So afterwards, we went and took the kids to the park and had a good time!

I went back home and gave Koda a bath outside as he threw up in his kennel last night. And I thought after we cleaned it up, and aired out the house, everything will be fine. So, we went to sleep with a stench in the house and windows open. Woke up, and it turned out Koda had rolled in it too or something...yuck! So, he smells sooooo much better now!! lol

Anyhoo, off to get my FASA paperwork in!!!

Chelle }}i{{

Day 80..Happy Easter!!!

Or so it would seem....

As most of you know, I have a bad neck/shoulder/back...etc. I get injections in my back monthly and also am on a slew of pain meds...I hate it....I hate it with a fiery passion....but I also know I'm not able to go without them, and that just sucks.

So, I've been on vicodine for a few years now...and it hasn't worked in a while...pretty much all it does is give a good enough buzz, that even though I'm hurting, I really don't care about it. I'm afraid to talk to my Dr. about it, because I'm afraid of being labeled a drug addict, even though I'm soooo not!

I was talking to a friend, who has the same kinda crap going on (her's is mainly migraines). And we're always talking about pain and pain management. She's been on a little heavier dosages, but then her Dr. put her on an extended pill....she LOVES it!!! She's not in pain AND she doesn't have that fuzzy/grogginess about her that I've seen before and have experienced. She told me I need to go to my dr and talk about this. She was in the same boat when her hubby said, "Why don't you tell your dr. If you don't, they can't fix you." And he was right.

So, I was talking to Aaron about it, telling him everything (something I stopped doing with my pain b/c he doesn't seem to understand) and I asked him what he thought. He said he didn't care, whatever would help me...and then added that he was sick of it...When I asked him what he meant by that, he was drawing a blank like he never said it.

He then went on to say that I'm yelling at Xander alot, he's noticed this week. I told him first of all, between the two of them, they were driving me absolutely nuts! I was going insane. The second thing was I've about had it some days with Xander. I start off in a happy mood with him, and then after a few time outs and not listening, it seems like the only thing he'll pay attention to is yelling. And I hate it....so that made things worse too.

Anyways, just a crappy day after church. *sigh* whatever. Stupid man...good thing I love him to death....

Chelle }}i{{

Day 79....Pre-Easter Day

So, today was a nice, normal day....I prepped a turkey and dropped it off at the in-laws for tomorrow/ I had asked Aaron to pick up a DVD for Xander for Easter....meaning the bunny would give it to him in a basket....

Good day at work, busy, slow, pretty uneventful....

I get home and wake up Aaron to ask where the movie is so I can put it in the basket....he goes, "oh, it's by the TV, we already watched it.....WHAT?!!!!

So, I just finished rummaging through the garage for some re-gifting items he's forgotten about....

Thankfully, I was able to find a few things! Grrrr!!! It just kinda irritated me! *sigh* whatever! It's done, can't turn back the clock....lol

Happy Easter Everyone!!!

Chelle }}i{{

Day 78....Going Bonkers!!!

So, I woke up, Xander got up REALLY early today...Aaron got home from Fed-ex, (on vacation from UPS) and was wide awake. So, I tired to get some sleep while heckle and jeckle were awake....yeah, that didn't work!

They had the t.v. blaring and Aaron kept poking Xander....so I kept hearing a "Buzzing" sound from Aaron and Xander with annoyed grunts and whines telling his daddy to stop.

I finally grabbed my pillow and slept on the couch.

Aaron's on vacation, and it's been like I have two three-year-olds in the house. Aaron starts all this crap, and Xander doesn't like it, and he whines. It's driving me freakin' nuts!!!

I hate to say it, but I'll be glad when Aaron goes back to work...he's said I was kinda grumpy from time to time this week....REALLY?! I'm freaking dealing with shit that's about to make me go postal or send a note saying "I'm off to my happy place, I'll see you in a few days."

AGH!!!!

Okay, I'm done, my vent is over.....until the next vacation! lol

Chelle }}i{{

Day 77 Buying a House (maybe) and College Stuff

So, it's just another day here. Although Aaron and I were pretty lazy today...I did manage to get up to TMCC (Truckee Meadows Comm. College) to see about what I needed to get back there.

So, I pulled up my unofficial transcripts from BYU-I (Brigham Young University, Idaho), and I was right! I have 63 credits total!!! And that's not including the 1 1/2 years I spent at UNR (University of Nevada, Reno)!!!! I think add about 17 more credits and we're good! I think I might be really close to graduating!!! woohoo!!!!

Then afterwards, I swung by BofA, and they said I'd need 20% down for a house loan....screw that!!!!!

So, I went to see an old friend I haven't seen in a long time at a real estate place...She's no longer there, but I was able to get the help I needed!!

I'm calling the broker tomorrow to talk shop! Who knows?! We might be able to buy our house soon!!!! And it'd be cheaper too!!! Yea!!!

Chelle }}i{{

Day 75, Going Back to School

So, I think I'm going back to school. I tried the medical transcriptioning thing, and what I found, is that it doesn't have a due date...it's just, when you're done, you're done....

That doesn't help me. I need to have a due date on papers, etc, or I'll just put them off. I'm a full time mom and a full time employee for someone else. I find and HAVE a million and one things to do that need to be done and need it done now...

I want to be successful, I want to finish something I started....I need to.

Chelle }}i{{

Day 74 Asthma Attack....

I had a horrible asthma attack at work. So bad I had to down two cups of coffee b/c my inhaler wasn't cutting it....

So, I'm home now. I'm still having asthma, and I'm a little wired...

I hate this...I did get a shot for my allergies today, so hopefully in a day or two I'll feel better. :-)

Day 74...General Conference

I'm a little sad, I was soo tired today I didn't get to listen to all of conference. I kept falling asleep. I can't wait for the Ensign to come out!!!

And Aaron's giving me that look...better go!!

Chelle }}i{{

Day 73...Ouch and Going Back to School

Having a really bad day today. Just hurting. I woke up and could barely move. Some drugs and a few yoga stretches later and I was feeling slightly better.

Fast and the Furious came out today...Aaron has been drooling for this movie. So we headed to the movies. I was okay during the movies.

Hurt at work too...and was able to get out a little early without feeling too bad about it. I did over 50 dollars in upsells tonight, so that covered my skipping out early.

Aaron and I were talking about school for me tonight. I think I might do it. Live on student loans for a little while...I don't think I could do school and a full time job again....that's not fun!!!! But at least I'll be able to do something else....We'll see.

Chelle }}i{{

Day 72...I had Gizmo Turn Into a Gremlin Today...

That would be my son. We were re-financing a loan of ours this morning to get a better percentage rate, and well, Xander was PERFECT!!! He was a darling little angel! I told him, b/c he was good, that we'd go to lunch, maybe get McD's or something.

He choose, McD's, of course! Well, it wasn't quite lunch time, we had to take Aaron home before work, drop the check to the Landlord, and get him some new clothes. So, we dropped Aaron off, picked up Xander's old clothes and headed out. We met with the Landlord, dropped the check off, had to run to the bank, and then to the clothing store.

At the bank and the clothing store is when all hell broke loose. He wanted to sit on the counter by me, I told him okay, as long as he didn't touch anything...first thing? he goes for the fingerprint thing at the bank...then kept wanting her calculator. I finally set him down, and he started crying. He stopped and gave him one more chance....

Then the clothing store, it's a used kids clothing and toys place. I had to wait in line to trade in his old clothes, (he had a three inch growth spurt over night!!!). As soon as he hit the door, he started running for the toys. I asked him to stop and come back, as the toys would be out of my sight....he didn't listen after two attempts to call him back, I went over, and dragged him back to the counter. I explained that maybe after we shop, he can go play, but until then, no touching.

Of course, there was touching!! Everything! All the clothes on his level were not the right size, and he would try and grab the hanger and all and show me, "I like this mommy!" only to pull it off the hanger. Now, it was cute the FIRST time, and put it back, explained, and went on. This kept happening, so I told him he couldn't play afterwards. He started to cry and yell. I told him if he didn't stop, he was going to loose McD's at this point. He dried right up.

Then we got to the counter where you could see all the toys hanging out...."MOMMY...mommy! Mommy! Mommy! MOMMY!!!!! I told him he lost his chance to go play. He started crying again. I took him outside while the girl was ringing me up and told him he needed to stop. He didn't....so I took McD's away.

And that's when the shrieking and crying happened. ALL the way home!! He even woke from his nap talking and crying about McD's.

It was like throwing water on the cute and cuddly Gizmo and having an evil Gremlin attack you.

And then I had work....woohoo.

Chelle }}i{{

Day 70 and 71. Still Sick and It's Snowing!!

Alright, so I've had this damn cold now for freakin' EVER!! I'm soooo sick of it! My nose won't stop draining!

And it's snowing outside! It was freakin' 50 degrees and now it's snowing!!! WTH?!

Anyhoo, I'm kinda in the mood to clean my house. Weird, I know. Go figure!

So, I think I'm going put on some Sarah McLachlan and clean!

Chelle }}i{{

Day 69...A Fun Concert

A friend that has been out of town for a couple came back into town and called me up. She wanted to know if I wanted to go see this band tonight called Audrey Sessions. She knows that bass player and thought it would be fun.

Indeed it was! The bass players name is Alex. She's a hoot! We talked alot about everything. We even swapped phone numbers and I gave her my e-mail address too. They are signed with RCA. I talked to her about the songs I write and she wanted to see them. She asked if I could send them to her!

I got really excited! This might be the opportunity I've been looking for! I just need to copyright my stuff first before I send them to her.

Anyways, it's late and I have yoga in the morning.

Talk to you soon!!!

Chelle }}i{{