Sunday, July 19, 2009

Choices in Life....

I'm learning all about choices. The negative and the positive. I feel a lot of negativity in my life right now....yet so much positivity. It's interesting really.

I know I'm on the right path, I know it's the right way. But sometimes the path curves and you can't see the good that's ahead. Sometimes there is the biggest mountain you have to climb, but once you do, you look back and admire the view of all the accomplishments you've made.

I've had, it just seems a stream of bad luck. I got in another car wreck. I feel just in that moment in my life....I got thrown back to start. It has taken me four years of pain, drugs, therapy....all of the get into a more good days then bad days. And then to have it all literally crash around me. It's really dug me into a hole. I'm trying to get out, I really am! Some days, it's just so hard.

And then, today at work, I get suspended for three days. I've been there over a year and NEVER had a variance on my bank (meaning I'm over or short). I just moved shifts, and I deal with a new supervisor, one that I'm not fond of. She's lazy, she's a bitch, and she has favorites. Which really pisses me off. My dear friend Brenda is my night super there, and she treats me just the same as everyone else....probably why I like her so much! We understand each other that it's just business. We work very hard at not mixing it.

Anyhoo, I digress so she pulled me in the office one day (about a month ago) and said she doesn't know, "How I do it on night shift." But on her shift, I'm going WAY too slow. She pretty much said I should shove the customers right out the door, not be myself and hurry.

I was so surprised by this, as I feel I'm quick and efficient. And whenever someone calls in, I'm usually the first one they call as I'm good.

So, I had the variances, and was mad at myself. I was written up and told to slow down. I then talked to the main kahuna there....she pulled a paper out from someone even higher than her and quoted what he wrote....saying I was one of the best employees, I always get positive comments....blah, blah, blah. Then my boss tells me that I've been awesome, she doesn't want to do it, b/c she knows the reason why...I was just so mentally messed up about it. But, it's the rules. She said I still have a job, and I'm still one of the best out there.

It made me feel okay.

Well, back in the hole I go, I'll take my lumps, I've made my choice not to let this get me down. Although I'm horribly pissed at the one woman...I'm okay. It was still my choice and my fault. She didn't touch my bank.

But, I won't let it get me down. I'm starting to turn the corner here. I see my surgery, Vegas and School right around the corner....I just have to get there first!!!

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