My Mom Looks Up To Me!!!!!

I was talking with my mom today on the phone.  It started it out in the usual frustrating manner.  She'll talk your ear off about random stuff that you've heard already.  She'll then tell you the negative aspects of the goals that you are aiming for.  She claims, "I am not a pessimist, I am a realist."

So, as our conversation continued, I became more frustrated with her.  I started to express my frustration when she said something that floored me.

She told me that she doesn't mean to sound or come off as critical or harsh.  She said she feels she was over-protective with my siblings and I.  The reason?  Fear and rejection.  She said she had been involved in "Spectacular failures" in life and she didn't want us to feel the pain of that.

She told me how proud she was of me, that she looks up to me because I am so brave.  She said she wishes she was braver, that she would go and do the things I do, that if I want to do it I will go and try it.  If I fail, I say oh well and keep going. She said if she was presented with the opportunity to do a marathon, she wouldn't have done it, not believing her to be able to do the marathon.

My mom looks up to ME!  I cried.  Never in my life would I have thought she would.  I've always known she was proud of the things I've done, but it just blew me away.

The funny thing is?  I learned to be brave from her.  I learned not to take crap, to love me for me and not let anyone tell me otherwise.

What a wonderful surprise!

Chelle }}i{{

How Did I Get Spam On My BLOG?!?!!?

Ok, so I saw I got a comment on my blog, thought Yea!  Someone left me LOVES!!!

Yeah, it was some kid spamming on my blog!!!  WTH?!  REALLY?!  Is nothing sacred any more?!

*sigh*

People go so low for buck.

Chelle }}i{{

Had My 2nd Nerve Burn Today...

AAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!

It sucks, but I know I'll feel better in a few days.  So, right now, hurting, but should be better soon!

*SIGH*

Chelle }}i{{

Work Frustrations

So, had a bad night at work.  It was great until the last little bit.  And I'm more mad at myself than anything.

I felt bad, there was a girl that kept asking me what's wrong...I finally got mad at her and said, "look, I know you're trying to help, but I just DON'T want to talk right now."  I know she was trying to help, but I was in that "don't give  a crap about anyone right now, leave me alone." mood.

Anyhoo, here's hoping tomorrow's better.

Room Purging

Well, the sun is out FINALLY!!!!!!!!  Feeling like being in a cleaning mood.  It's time for the annual purging of Xander's room after his birthday!!  So many new toys, time to box them up and put them in the garage!!

<3

Insomniac

I'm finally horribly exhausted today.  I haven't slept well in a week.  But, it's my weekend, I have three days off.  I'm very happy that I'm so tired!!!

I've been in a musical mood the last couple days too!  I've been playing my guitar and listing to some new music.  It's been a hoot!

I did learn a new chord today!  F#!  So, I'm hoping to keep doing that part of my goal!  I also am going to be picking up my piano again.  That will really help with the band.

I'm also thinking about going to culinary school.  I think it'll be fun and really worth my time!!!  :)

Day 460...wow!

Ok, so I just updaed all my goals...holy hannah!!!!  I've come so far!!!!

I think my favorite goal I just passed off was completing my bike race/marathon!  I was able to do 43 miles in it!  While I didn't finish the race...I participated and it was a NEAT experience!!

Conference is on...better head on over and listen and get ready for work!  *sigh!*

Biking Zen-Momentum

This was written in June as well!  :)

I was riding my bike around a local lake yesterday. I had an epiphany.


Ever since I can remember I love going downhill on my bike, followed by the quick change to uphill. Why? I shift my bike to the hardest gear and work that downhill, and pedal, pedal, pedal! I pick up a lot of speed and enjoy it, using the momentum I've gained on the downhill it makes the hill I'm climbing so much easier to reach the top.

I watched some people take the downhill lightly, sometimes not even pedaling, just coating. They're enjoying the "free ride" so to speak. But, as the downhill gets replaced quickly with the uphill climb, they labor very hard to reach the top. They are enjoying the fun part but have to work twice as hard on the difficult part.

I thought of life's many peaks and valleys. Many of us (including me) take it easy on the way down, coasting through the valley, not worried about the looming mountain in the distance.

If we work harder in those times of great ease, when we hit those peaks, using our momentum, it makes that mountain much easier to climb.

If we keep a steady pace throughout both valleys and peaks, it will feel more like a constant flat road. I'm not saying all the time, day in day out, we still really need to take the time to smell the roses and look at the view.

Just something I wanted to share.

Chelle }}i{{

Sara Bareilles, The Temple, and Divine Inspiration.

So, what does Sara Bareilles, (a talented pop singer/songwriter) and the Temple have in common?  Me.  I know, it sounds weird...but it was weird to begin with.  For starters, only a few of you know what this is all about...but in due time everyone will.  :)

Being a musician, I seem to channel many thoughts, feelings, etc. through music.  Well, I just purchased Sara's second album, Kaleidoscope Heart, which is PHENOMENAL! And have been "wearing it out", much to the chagrin of my dear, patient husband.  I will take a new cd and play it over and over until I know all the lyrics, and get sick of it and have to stop listening to it for a while.

There was a song that I have just falling in love with, it's called Uncharted.  I knew it applied to my life in many ways, but little did I know how much it would.  I was on my way home from work last night, when a song of Sara's came on that I hadn't really started listening to yet, "The Light", I had heard it a couple of times.  So, I listened to the lyrics...I about started to cry.

You see, there has been this problem plaguing me for some two years now.  A decision that will effect me and my family greatly.  I have always known the answer, and what I needed to do.  Pride, fear and stubbornness has kept me from listening for a long time.  So much that the last time I got my answer in the temple, I cried, I cried hard because I was so upset with this answer.  Well, things have been softening in me for sometime. 

Last night, after listening to "The Light", I felt calm and okay with this long awaited choice.  But, I felt I needed more, I felt a never before urgency in this decision.  I went to the Temple.  While it was closed because it was 11 at night, I walked around the outside of the gate and sat at the exact pillar where my boyfriend proposed to me.  That pillar has been a wonderful reminder of what transpired there over 7 years ago.

I prayed and I listened to the silence and a cd of hymns I sung in choir in college.  The chilled when ate at me, but I felt warm.  A big decision that I had been in torcher with for two years had finally come to an end.  I knew, with all my soul, with every fiber of my being, that EVERYTHING would be okay, no matter what.  There were alot of fears that have held me back...they were all put to rest.

I left the temple, completely at peace.  It was amazing!  I turned back on Sara and "Uncharted" came on.  I cried.  The lyrics made even MORE sense now.  I'll share them now:

Uncharted:
"No tears, my tears won't make any room for 'em. Oh, and it don't hurt like anything I've ever felt before.  This is no broken heart, no familiar scars, this territory goes uncharted.  Just me, in a room sunk down in a house in a town and I don't breathe though I never meant to let it get away from me. Now I have too much to hold, everybody has to get their hands on gold, and I want uncharted.  Stuck under the ceiling I made I can't help the feeling, I'm going down.  Follow if you want.  I won't just hang around like you'll show me where to go.  I'm already out of fool-proof ideas, so don't ask me how to get started.  It's all uncharted.  Each day, I'm counting up the minutes 'til I get away.  "cause I can't stay in the middle of it all, it's nobody's fault.  But I'm so low, never knew how much I didn't know, oh everything is uncharted.  I know I'm getting nowhere when I only sit and stare like, I'm going down.  Follow if you want I won't just hang around like you'll show me where to go.  I'm already out of fool-proof ideas so don't ask me how to get started, it's all uncharted.  Jump start my kaleidoscope heart.  I love to watch the colors fade.  They may not make sense, but they sure as hell made me.  I won't go as a passenger no, waiting for the road to be laid.  Though I may be going own I'll take in flame over burning out.  Compare where you are to where you want to be and you'll nowhere.  I'm going down..."

This is not a broken heart, not familiar. I've never been here before.  So, I'm going down.  Follow if you want.  I'm out of fool-proof ideas, this is uncharted...and I've never felt better about it! 

Much love to my girls that already know what this is about.  I wouldn't have been open to this.  Thank you with all my heart!  <3

Chelle }}i{{