Day 83 Feeling Better!! :-)

So, I had my cry last night. Scared the hell outta Aaron. I think he thought I was checking out for good or something. Nope! Just having my moment. I told him that I have to put on a mask all the time for everyone to see. To have them see that I'm okay, even though I'm hurting all the time....And just every once in a while, I need that time to cry and say, No, everything is NOT okay. And then, I'm fine and better. I feel kinda cleansed. Does that make sense?

But, I had a good day, I went to Yoga. Had to go to the dentist and get a couple feelings....THAT was FUN!!! :-P I now have metal on metal and it's driving me nuts! I can only chew on my left side, so it's reduced me to soft things. I made banana pancakes for dinner.....YUM!!

I had softball practice tonight...that was awesome!!! I love playing softball! We have a few more practices and then it's game time!

I also went to my friends' house, we were practicing for sharing time on Sunday. I'm bringing my guitar! It's going to be soooo fun!!! The kids are performing at church on Saturday as well, and as luck would have it, I have it off!!! Yippiee!!!!! So, we're going to do something with the guitar too! It's going to be neat!

So all in all, great day!!!

Chelle }}i{{

Day 82...Bad Night

As most of you know, I was in a car wreck about three years ago, and still hurt. I try to have a strong face all the time, but some days, I just can't do it anymore...Some days I just want to give up completely. But I know I can't.... Anyhoo, this is my favorite song when I'm in my cry-mope-hurt day.It's by Linkin Park and it's called Given Up. It fits me so well some days.

Waking in a sweat again
Another day's been laid to waste
In my disgrace
Stuck in my head again
Feels like I'll never leave this place
There's no escape
I'm my own worst enemy

I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I'm suffocating!
Tell me what the heck is
Wrong with me?

I don't know what to take
Thought I was focused but I'm scared
I'm not prepared
I hyperventilate
Looking for hope somehow somewhere
And no one cares
I'm my own worst enemy

I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I'm suffocating!
Tell me what the heck is
Wrong with me?

God!
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my
Put me out of my ******* misery!

I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I'm suffocating!
Tell me what the heck is
Wrong with me?

Day 81....Started My School Papers!!!

So, I picked up my UNR transcripts!! I went over to TMCC and filled out my Degree Audit Report (DARS) and am just waiting for my BYU-Idaho transcripts....turns out, with UNR, I had 28 credits!! So I have a total of 91 credits going in to TMCC. Hopefully I'll only need a few classes to graduate!!! Woohoo!

I ran into my friend at TMCC, she was visiting her hubby there on his break from work. So afterwards, we went and took the kids to the park and had a good time!

I went back home and gave Koda a bath outside as he threw up in his kennel last night. And I thought after we cleaned it up, and aired out the house, everything will be fine. So, we went to sleep with a stench in the house and windows open. Woke up, and it turned out Koda had rolled in it too or something...yuck! So, he smells sooooo much better now!! lol

Anyhoo, off to get my FASA paperwork in!!!

Chelle }}i{{

Day 80..Happy Easter!!!

Or so it would seem....

As most of you know, I have a bad neck/shoulder/back...etc. I get injections in my back monthly and also am on a slew of pain meds...I hate it....I hate it with a fiery passion....but I also know I'm not able to go without them, and that just sucks.

So, I've been on vicodine for a few years now...and it hasn't worked in a while...pretty much all it does is give a good enough buzz, that even though I'm hurting, I really don't care about it. I'm afraid to talk to my Dr. about it, because I'm afraid of being labeled a drug addict, even though I'm soooo not!

I was talking to a friend, who has the same kinda crap going on (her's is mainly migraines). And we're always talking about pain and pain management. She's been on a little heavier dosages, but then her Dr. put her on an extended pill....she LOVES it!!! She's not in pain AND she doesn't have that fuzzy/grogginess about her that I've seen before and have experienced. She told me I need to go to my dr and talk about this. She was in the same boat when her hubby said, "Why don't you tell your dr. If you don't, they can't fix you." And he was right.

So, I was talking to Aaron about it, telling him everything (something I stopped doing with my pain b/c he doesn't seem to understand) and I asked him what he thought. He said he didn't care, whatever would help me...and then added that he was sick of it...When I asked him what he meant by that, he was drawing a blank like he never said it.

He then went on to say that I'm yelling at Xander alot, he's noticed this week. I told him first of all, between the two of them, they were driving me absolutely nuts! I was going insane. The second thing was I've about had it some days with Xander. I start off in a happy mood with him, and then after a few time outs and not listening, it seems like the only thing he'll pay attention to is yelling. And I hate it....so that made things worse too.

Anyways, just a crappy day after church. *sigh* whatever. Stupid man...good thing I love him to death....

Chelle }}i{{

Day 79....Pre-Easter Day

So, today was a nice, normal day....I prepped a turkey and dropped it off at the in-laws for tomorrow/ I had asked Aaron to pick up a DVD for Xander for Easter....meaning the bunny would give it to him in a basket....

Good day at work, busy, slow, pretty uneventful....

I get home and wake up Aaron to ask where the movie is so I can put it in the basket....he goes, "oh, it's by the TV, we already watched it.....WHAT?!!!!

So, I just finished rummaging through the garage for some re-gifting items he's forgotten about....

Thankfully, I was able to find a few things! Grrrr!!! It just kinda irritated me! *sigh* whatever! It's done, can't turn back the clock....lol

Happy Easter Everyone!!!

Chelle }}i{{

Day 78....Going Bonkers!!!

So, I woke up, Xander got up REALLY early today...Aaron got home from Fed-ex, (on vacation from UPS) and was wide awake. So, I tired to get some sleep while heckle and jeckle were awake....yeah, that didn't work!

They had the t.v. blaring and Aaron kept poking Xander....so I kept hearing a "Buzzing" sound from Aaron and Xander with annoyed grunts and whines telling his daddy to stop.

I finally grabbed my pillow and slept on the couch.

Aaron's on vacation, and it's been like I have two three-year-olds in the house. Aaron starts all this crap, and Xander doesn't like it, and he whines. It's driving me freakin' nuts!!!

I hate to say it, but I'll be glad when Aaron goes back to work...he's said I was kinda grumpy from time to time this week....REALLY?! I'm freaking dealing with shit that's about to make me go postal or send a note saying "I'm off to my happy place, I'll see you in a few days."

AGH!!!!

Okay, I'm done, my vent is over.....until the next vacation! lol

Chelle }}i{{

Day 77 Buying a House (maybe) and College Stuff

So, it's just another day here. Although Aaron and I were pretty lazy today...I did manage to get up to TMCC (Truckee Meadows Comm. College) to see about what I needed to get back there.

So, I pulled up my unofficial transcripts from BYU-I (Brigham Young University, Idaho), and I was right! I have 63 credits total!!! And that's not including the 1 1/2 years I spent at UNR (University of Nevada, Reno)!!!! I think add about 17 more credits and we're good! I think I might be really close to graduating!!! woohoo!!!!

Then afterwards, I swung by BofA, and they said I'd need 20% down for a house loan....screw that!!!!!

So, I went to see an old friend I haven't seen in a long time at a real estate place...She's no longer there, but I was able to get the help I needed!!

I'm calling the broker tomorrow to talk shop! Who knows?! We might be able to buy our house soon!!!! And it'd be cheaper too!!! Yea!!!

Chelle }}i{{